johnnycollege

The other night, while enjoying Steven Segal’s “Belly of the Beast” and a few whiskey drinks, a certain youtube video was brought to my attention. Now you would think that while watching a Segal flick it would be tough to come across a more poorly put together reel of cinema, but the video I witnessed made Segal look like Damon in Good Will Hunting. I want you to watch as much of this as you can handle before you read on, so that way you can follow along with my pot shots directed at the genius squad who contrived this masterpiece O shit.

Disclaimer: This video would give Liberaci a massive hard-on.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KXkRlhh74X4

Ok. Take a second to let the magic settle. You good? Yea dude, it was a fucking kite. And yea dude, he did allude to the girl having an eating disorder. And yea dude, people actually put time and effort into making this thing. I want to know what kind of pot the storyboard guy was smoking because he must have been tripping his tits off. ” Yea so we’ll go bedroom, awkward moment in car, restaurant, and then yea man I got it, we’ll have them fly a kite. A fucking rainbow kite.” Sure Bill whatever you say just pass that crack pipe bro.

Secondly, I want to know who funded this adventure project. Were real production people on this, or did they hire a band of Mexican camera men at a discount? I feel like if some dumbass put money towards this, I might have a possible investor for my new brimless hats company. Holy fuck do you have nothing better to spend money on? Go get a bottle of Jack Daniels, drink the shit out of it then use it as a blunt object to knock yourself in the head with as punishment for even thinking about putting money down for the lamest music video produced since “Ice Ice Baby.” Who the fuck watches music videos anymore? Put some money towards a website, fucking distributing the EP, anything. Isn’t this a good business school, how the fuck am I thinking up better models of moneymaking for this jo sixpack band.

Oh well, just don’t fly kites, moral of the story.

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